"Home is where your story begins."

I have always had those memories. The ones that are dark or a bit unusual. The type of memories that you realize are painful and traumatic but still seem to mesh in among the other more neutral memories as if they were masquerading as typical and normal experiences. The older I get the more awareness I seem to have of those kinds of memories. If you can visualize this; it is like I do a stop, rewind, play again: What the hell did I just remember? What is so striking to me is that I have remembered the same damn things my entire life but out of nowhere I get stricken with this sudden enlightenment to a memories significance.

Memories pass through my mind like a movie reel playing as I experience my day to day life. Normal everyday experiences triggering the strangest and most random of memories. They pass through my minds viewfinder without thought, almost like it is my subconscious that has full awareness of the incoming memories.  The older and more connected I become to my spirit and my inner self, the more aware I become of my thoughts, feelings and my memories. It is an awakening of sorts I suppose. Thoughts, feelings and memories that used to escape recognition are now in within my frame of reference. Ergo, why I find myself doing the stop, rewind, play again; what the hell did I just remember? 

I have started to develop a new image of myself as a child and an adult due to these memories. I see myself in a new light. I have a new understanding of me. I relate better to my own children. Although I do feel emotions (naturally) about certain memories that I am taking a moment to process for the 1st time...thanks to maturity, age, wisdom, whatever you call it, I also feel a sense of objectivity about my experiences. I believe that although I can clearly see correlations to my past and present it does not define me or my future which is where I am actually looking. The future is where all my intentions are placed.

Life is new today. It is a new experience that I am creating and I like thinking about it that way. On a challenging day, it can even come down to a cup of coffee. Hmmmm, I think. Do I want a latte or a cup of Joe? Or ice cream. Do I want Cherry Garcia or Black Cherry from Thrifty's (now Rite-Aid) What do I really want in my life today? Some days the choice is much bigger than a cup of coffee or ice cream. It is about a major life decision or which path to choose for myself or my family. For the first time, I rather enjoy making these decisions. It is all about happiness and creating my life how I want it to be. 

You can't control everything that happens in life but what when you do have a say in something, don't you want to speak up?

On top of spaghetti...

all covered with cheese, I lost my poor meatball when somebody sneezed. It rolled off the table, then onto the floor and then my poor meatball... One thing unfolding after the other, sometimes my life reminds me of that song. 

It is really funny and strange how easily things can work out if you just believe in their possibility. Want a bigger place to live? Make an appointment to see a bigger house or apartment, even if you can't afford it. It is like saying to the universe that you are ready to choose your bigger home, even if this is not the one, you are ready to choose what you want. That is action you can take today with the intention of moving closer to your dreams or goals for tomorrow.

Seriously...it works. Who knows? You may love it so much that they may drop the price for you!

Would you believe me if I told you? Ah, OK, I guess I'll divulge. 

We rent. We rent a 3 bedroom/3 bathroom. We rent a 3 bedroom/ 3 bathroom with NO laundry hookups. It has been an expensive nuissance of ours since we moved in with our brood of children. We were told that they would give us laundry hookups inside our apartment but one thing after another (spaghetti with meatballs, remember?) and they couldn't after all. I need to mention that we also have a difficult neighbor right next door who won't share the hose and has boundary issues. Our excitement about moving into our beautiful apartment turned into frustration and disappointment soon after we moved in.

Then, one day the front apartment became vacant. It is a 4 bedroom, with laundry hookups, a pantry and no difficult next door neighbor. Unfortunately, we then learned that the rent was $1,000 more bucks than our current rent. 

What would you do? Give up? Not try? Settle for what you've got? 

Hunny and I decided to set up an appointment with the Realtor even knowing we could never afford another $1,000 in rent. However, we thought it would sure be nice to see what the possibilities are instead of complaining. "You never know what can happen." Hunny said to me. The apartment has stayed vacant for 2-3 months now. Today, I got an email the rent is being lowered by $800 dollars and it was offered to us as an option to move in. Considering we pay almost $200 in laundry each month, um...let me see...hmmm.....hell yaah!?!! Did I forget to mention that it comes with a long hose line of it's very own!

Visualize the possibilities even if they are impossible to see. It affirms their existence.